Few films get more “high concept” than 1992’s The Bikini Carwash Company. Take that title literally, as the movie involves a vehicle cleaning business that employs attractive women in small swimsuits.

Does the movie’s plot go much beyond that? Not really, though it does vaguely attempt a story.

Iowa college student Jack McGowan (Joe Dusic) comes to LA to run his Uncle Elmer’s (Michael Wright) car wash for the summer. When Elmer needs money to fund treatment for his severe allergies, Jack must figure out how to increase the location’s profits.

After he befriends college student Melissa Reese (Kristi Ducati), she proposes that she and her hot friends will clean vehicles in skimpy swimwear for a split of any additional profits. The “Bikini Carwash Company” sees sales soar but it also encounters resistance from legal authorities that try to close down the establishment.

Those of us who came of age during the late 80s/early 90s remember the visual splendors of films run late at night on the Cinemax cable channel. Cinemax earned the name “Skinemax” because it showed so many movies that accentuated female nudity – films just like Company.

And God love Cinemax for that. The channels brought softcore sex movies into our homes and we didn’t have to try to hide video rentals from our parents!

Of course, the Internet essentially ended the need for movies like Company. Nonetheless, I suspect I’m not the only one who looks back fondly on these releases.

Does Company merit attention as anything more than a traipse down horny memory lane? Not really.

Though I can say the nudity remains highly enjoyable. Company actually provides less skin than one might expect, especially since my overview kind of implies that the film essentially offers a Playboy video only occasionally broken up with loose story beats.

While Company does provide extensive footage of scantily-clad babes, the actual nude scenes prove less frequent. We get a lot of these but they don’t appear non-stop.

And they rarely actually connect to the “plot”. Instead, Company occasionally grinds to a halt so we can get mini-music videos of the naked ladies as they soap up each other or whatnot.

If that sounds like a complaint, I don’t mean it as one. Company boasts literally no reason to exist other than as a display of gorgeous naked women.

With an 82-minute running time, I’d guess that the “plot” fills maybe half that length. All these segments feel half-hearted at best, perhaps a step up from the narratives found in hardcore porn but not much of one.

We get lame stabs at broad comedy along with largely terrible acting. Dusic looks a good 15 years too old to be a college student, and no one else seems convincing either.

Objectively, this means Company becomes a terrible movie. Nothing about it functions well as a piece of cinema.

But as a product of its time, it comes with innocent charms. As uncredited co-director Jim Wynorski notes, they don’t make this kind of cheap T&A comedy anymore, so a viewing of Company acts as a throwback to a different era.

Beyond that, it shows some hot naked women, and they still look great after 33 years. I’ll never watch Company for its “story”, but thanks to the miracle of Blu-ray chapter search, I can cut to the chase and stick with the scenes that prove enjoyable.

The Bikini Carwash Company appears in an aspect ratio of 1.33:1 on this Blu-ray Disc. The film comes in two varieties: “remastered HD version” (1:21:19) and “alternate SD version” (1:20:36).

In addition to whatever content differences account for the 43 extra seconds in the HD presentation, the HD Company upscaled the image. While this didn’t fix the flaws of the source, it did make the movie more watchable.

According to this disc’s commentary, the crew shot Company on 16mm film. The image never betrayed any clear evidence that it used actual celluloid, but perhaps it did use 16mm but those behind the scan simply lacked access to anything beyond a video master.

Whatever the case, the movie never looked good. Sharpness seemed adequate at best, as the image could seem gauzy and blocky.

Various instances of jagged edges and shimmering occurred, and I saw some edge haloes. Video artifacts occurred and I saw occasional specks. Movement seemed stuttered as well.

Colors looked a bit flat but not terrible. Still, the lacked the vivacity a movie like this would seem to boast.

Blacks felt mushy and shadows appeared murky. All of this led to a less than attractive image.

So why did I go with a “C”? Because the nature of the source meant that the film came with severe limitations.

Granted, if they did shoot on 16mm and they could’ve gone to the source, that would’ve opened up visual possibilities. But this remained a quickly-filmed ultra-cheap video flick from 1992 so I thought a “C” felt fair.

As noted, the disc included a standard-def version of Carwash as well. Did it elevate the movie above its VHS origins?

Yeah, but not by much, as the SD presentation looked softer and drabber than the upscaled one. This seemed fine for 20-inch tube TVs three decades ago, but on big old modern sets, the SD image seemed borderline unwatchable.

As for the film’s LPCM monaural audio, it offered the expected mediocre experience. Dialogue did remain natural enough and came without issues.

The rest of the mix felt lackluster. Effects didn’t play a large role in the proceedings and they came across as bland.

With a non-stop barrage of early 90s Hair Metal, music did function as a major element, but that material failed to display much vivacity. In any case, this was a passable track for a 33-year-old direct to video flick.

When we shift to extras, we get an audio commentary from uncredited co-director/actor Jim Wynorski. Along with moderator Heath Holland, we get a running, screen-specific look at cast/crew as well as what Wynorski did for the production and aspects of his career.

Basically Wynorski shot most of the movie’s T&A material, as apparently credited director Ed Hansen felt too shy to film those. Because he only worked on the flick for a few days, Wynorski doesn’t boast a complete view of the production, but he still adds some interesting notes.

The disc also provides trailers for Joysticks, Ski Patrol, The Last American Virgin and Dirty Laundry.

Less a movie and more a collection of music videos connected by a vague plot, The Bikini Carwash Company lacks any actual merits as cinema. However, it boasts nostalgic charm for those of us who watched ‘Skinemax’ back in the day. The Blu-ray comes with flawed but adequate picture and audio along with a few bonus features. Though it provides an objectively terrible film, Company throws enough eye candy at us to maintain our interest.

Note that Bikini Carwash Company comes paired with 1993’s Bikini Carwash Company II on this “Bubble Feature” disc.