Younger viewers might see the title of Blue Steel and assume it exists as part of the Zoolander franchise. Instead, the 1990 thriller involves future Oscar winners Jamie Lee Curtis and Kathryn Bigelow.

During her first shift as a cop in New York, Officer Megan Turner (Curtis) deals with a grocery store robbery. Along the way, she shoots and kills the suspect (Tom Sizemore).

The criminal’s weapon hits the floor during this interaction and disappears. Her superiors suspend Turner since they can’t find proof the suspect threatened her with deadly force.

The gun disappeared because customer Eugene Hunt (Ron Silver) makes off with it. When Hunt subsequently uses the weapon for a series of murders, these prompt NYPD to bring Turner back into action, so along with homicide detective Nick Mann (Clancy Brown), she fights to stop the burgeoning serial killer – who also becomes her new boyfriend.

Bigelow first made a cinematic splash via 1987’s Near Dark. While it failed to sell many tickets, it found a good cult following and became viewed as a genre classic of sorts.

Steel delivered Bigelow’s follow-up, and it also didn’t perform at the box office. Bigelow’s next feature - 1991’s Point Break - turned into her first moderate hit, though like Near Dark, I think it found much more of an audience on TV than in theaters.

Steel kind of feels like the lost cousin of these two. It lacks the cultural cache still boasted by Point Break and it doesn’t seem to have turned into a cult classic ala Near Dark.

If nothing else, Steel deserves credit for its lineage. I don’t know if Steel was unique circa 1990, but to say the least, a cop thriller with a female director and a female lead made it highly unusual for its era.

The question becomes whether or not Steel delivers a compelling thriller that makes it noteworthy beyond this unusual combination. Unfortunately, I can’t find much to recommend in this silly tale.

Many movies ask us to suspect disbelief and stretch credulity, and I can often go with that flow. However, some shove the boundaries of realism much too far, and Steel falls into that category.

To push its narrative, Steel needs to go down paths that make no sense. The entire premise in which Megan gets suspended becomes the primary culprit here, though it doesn’t offer the only significant plot flaw.

Steel asks us to swallow that Megan gets disciplined for excessive use of force solely because the robber’s weapon disappears. First off, it seems bizarre that Hunt just blithely grabs the gun and hopes no one notices as he strolls away from the crime scene.

Don’t cops usually demand witnesses remain for questioning? I guess the film wants us to view Megan’s inexperience and pumping adrenaline as the rationale for this goof, but given that her partner – who was conveniently in the bathroom during this episode – comes to the grocery right after the shooting, it seems like he’d tighten up the scene.

Nope, so Eugene gets to trot off, and apparently no one bothered to ask other witnesses in the store about what they saw. Bizarrely, Steel claims the cashier couldn’t tell if the robber used a gun or a knife, which seems absurd given how long the incident lasts.

All of these elements feel like the extreme contrivances they are – and they’re unnecessary as well. The fact Megan gets suspended ultimately seems irrelevant in terms of the plot.

It also makes little sense that Eugene suddenly becomes a psychopath after he finds the gun. Later scenes imply mental illness, but it feels odd that apparently Hunt’s discovery of the weapon triggers his descent into madness after a presumably perfectly normal life up until that point.

But wait – there’s more! The twist that Megan and Eugene date feels ridiculous, and additional developments down the road take the story into ever-goofier territory.

Maybe if Bigelow imparted a sense of tension or drama into the proceedings, the persistent idiocy wouldn’t bother me so much. Instead, Steel lacks intensity and drive.

The movie just plods along from one silly melodramatic scene to another without clarity or logic. Nothing here connects to create a vivid thriller.

Bigelow does amass a strong cast here, as in addition to Curtis, Silver, Brown and Sizemore, we find talents like Louise Fletcher, Philip Bosco, Elizabeth Peña, Richard Jenkins, and Kevin Dunn. None of them manage to elevate their roles, unfortunately.

Not that the greatest performances in film history could fix what ails this awful movie. Blue Steel gets points for its female-centered POV but it mainly just proves women can make thrillers just as meatheaded and brainless as those from the boys.

Blue Steel appears in an aspect ratio of 1.85:1 on this Blu-ray Disc. This was an erratic presentation.

For the most part, sharpness seemed positive, as the majority of the film brought pretty good delineation. However, light edge haloes cropped up through much of the movie, and those elements impacted detail.

No issues with jagged edges or shimmering occurred, and the movie came with a decent layer of grain. However, I suspect some noise reduction came into play, as grain seemed a bit off during interiors, and these scenes could appear somewhat “smoothed out”, especially in regard to facial textures.

Print flaws manifested with moderate frequency, as I saw more than a few instances of specks. While these didn’t dominate, they appeared on a persistent basis.

Colors leaned toward blue and orange – a surprising amount of orange given the movie’s vintage. As I poked around the disc’s extras, however, the trailers came with similar tints, so I will assume the palette represented the original photography.

Whatever the case, the hues seemed fine for the film’s era. While the colors didn’t excel, they appeared perfectly satisfactory within what I expect from circa 1990 stocks.

Blacks came across as fairly deep and dense, while shadows offered appealing delineation. At no point did the image become unwatchable, but this turned into an underwhelming image.

As for the film’s DTS-HD MA 2.0 soundtrack, it worked fine for its vintage. Though the mix didn’t dazzle, it added zest to the proceedings.

Music showed good stereo presence, and the side channels brought a nice sense of movement to the proceedings. With a mix of action scenes as well as street ambience/weather, the soundscape showed a nice sense of dimensionality within the two-speaker setup.

Audio quality also seemed fine. Speech was reasonably natural and concise, while music showed nice pep and clarity.

Effects brought us accurate enough material. Though a movie from 1990 should probably come with a surround mix, this one’s two-channel track worked fine.

As we move to extras, we launch with an audio commentary from film historian Alexandra Heller-Nicholas. She delivers a running, screen-specific look at cast and crew – with an emphasis on director Kathryn Bigelow – as well as interpretation and genre domains.

At no point does Heller-Nicholas attempt to make this much of a traditional film historian track. That means we learn little about the movie’s actual production.

Which I don’t mind in theory, as the discussion could become productive in other ways. Unfortunately, Heller-Nicholas does little more than try really hard to convince us Steel offers a fantastic film.

Within the commentary’s first few minutes, Heller-Nicholas calls Steel “objectively brilliant”, and she later refers to 1986’s The Hitcher as “objectively perfect”. Remarks like these made my internal Inigo Montoya wonder if she understands what “objectively” means.

Look, I begrudge no one their enjoyment of Steel or any film. Just because I hate a movie doesn’t mean everyone else must follow suit.

But comments that Steel delivers an objectively amazing movie send claims to a higher level. I find it stunning that anyone would make these statements about a film as objectively flawed as Steel.

Honestly, the fact Heller-Nicholas rendered this “objective” judgment so early in her commentary made me less than receptive to the rest of the track. Even without that skepticism, though, she just doesn’t offer a lot of real insights.

Heller-Nicholas delves into feminist filmmaking, “final girls”/genre topics and the like in a moderately compelling way, but she doesn’t link this material well. The commentary ultimately just feels like an unsuccessful attempt to convince the listener that this flawed movie is a deep, meaningful classic.

Featurettes follow, and A Hired Gun goes for 10 minutes, 36 seconds. It gives us a chat with editor Lee Percy.

The program discusses Percy’s career as well as his work on Steel. He gives us a short but engaging reel.

The Phallic Woman spans 19 minutes, 34 seconds and involves film historian Jennifer Moorman as she covers symbolism in the movie, with an emphasis on his guns stand in for male genitalia. I suspect she over-intellectualizes this braindead movie and she brings a very 2023 POV to a 33-year-old movie in efforts to validate it.

Next comes Staring Down the Barrel. It lasts nine minutes, one second and brings remarks from production designer Toby Corbett.

“Barrel” examines how Corbett got into films as well as his involvement with Steel. Like Percy, he offers a brief but useful set of memories.

A Profound Emotional Response takes up 12 minutes, 33 seconds. It gives us a video essay from film historian Chris O’Neill.

With “Response”, O’Neill offers more interpretation of the film. Like his predecessors, he also gives the movie far too much credit for its alleged intelligence. But hey, I’ll give all credit for their attempts to convince us Steel offers anything other than relentless stupidity!

Ads arrive after this, as we find two trailers - US and Japanese – along with an International Video Teaser and two TV spots.

A Vintage Promo goes for four minutes, 38 seconds and offers a look behind the scenes. It lacks much informational value but we do get a few decent glimpses of the set.

Finally, a Still Gallery presents a running montage with 90 images that mix shots from the movie, promo stills and ads. It turns into a largely forgettable compilation.

Despite the presence of future Oscar winners, Blue Steel becomes a goofy dud. The movie asks the viewer to accept too much idiocy for the final product to turn into anything more than an eye-rolling stinker. The Blu-ray delivers appropriate audio and a decent set of supplements but picture quality disappoints. Steel offers some intrigue due to its cast and crew but the film itself flops.