Reviewed by Colin Jacobson (July 21, 2026)
If you ever thought you wanted the creator of Star Trek and the director of Barbarella to join forces, I bear good news! 1971's Pretty Maids All in a Row unites Gene Roddenberry and Roger Vadim, though not for science-fiction.
Michael "Tiger" McDrew (Rock Hudson) works as the guidance counselor and football coach at Ocean Front High School. He also sleeps with many of the female students.
Teen Ponce de Leon Harper (John David Carson) finds himself sexually frustrated but he manages some release via an affair with sex substitute teacher Betty Smith (Angie Dickinson). In the midst of all this inappropriate - and potentially illegal - teacher/student sex, Oceanside becomes stalked by a serial killer who targets the girls.
Well there's a movie that couldn't be made today! Filmed in the "anything goes" era of the 1970s Sexual Revolution, that plot synopsis makes it clear that Row comes with plenty of content that really wouldn't fly in the 2020s.
In a twist, Row gives all this sex and violence a comedic bent. This becomes clear from the start, as black humor pervades the initial investigation into the first student’s murder and continues from there.
Row often seems to exist to parody the “free love” generation, an odd choice from a couple of relentless horndogs like Roddenberry and Vadim. If two guys should’ve loved an era of easy sex, it should’ve been those dudes.
Nonetheless, generationally the 50-year-old Roddenberry and the 43-year-old Vadim likely failed to connect to the youth of the period. They seem to want to mock the attitudes dominate among late 1960s/early 1970s kids, even if we assume they’d like to partake in all that “free love”.
Whatever the case, Row becomes a relentlessly limp exercise, partly because it comes with little focus and insight. The attempts at social commentary go nowhere.
Row casts a broad net, especially in the way it tries to portray societal priorities. In particular, we find a running joke in which the characters seem much more concerned with whether or not the high school football team will cancel games instead of the dead teenage girls.
The film executes this theme in a clumsy manner, and all its other elements feel contrived and clunky as well. Row dabbles in a mix of genres – satire, coming of age, serial killer, etc. – and pursues none of them in a satisfying manner.
Despite the movie’s attempts at comedy, it lacks laughs and it never seems compelling in other ways. Granted, we get some nudity from attractive young women, but even that doesn’t seem like enough to carry the flick.
We also find a fairly good cast, even if the three most notable actors – Hudson, Dickinson and Telly Savalas – would all soon be best-known for their TV work. None add much to the proceedings, though, and the less famous folks don’t pick up the slack.
Someone probably could’ve made a lively black comedy out of this tale of sex and a high school serial killer. Gene Roddenberry and Roger Vadim weren’t up to the task.
