Given that so many horror movies concentrate on the slaughter of attractive young women, it seems like a surprise that more of them don’t take place in sororities. 2018’s The Row attempts to remedy that imbalance.

Riley Cole (Lala Kent) and her bestie Becks Power (Mia Frampton) decide to pledge Phi Lambda. This leads them through the usual roster of hazing rituals.

However, complications arise when a serial killer sets his sights on the sisters. This leads to a race against time to stop the madman before he takes out too many of the coeds – and a view of haunting elements from Riley’s past.

Despite that synopsis – and the movie’s premise - Row spends an awful lot of time with Riley’s dad, a cop (Randy Couture). Indeed, the movie’s first 10 minutes focuses mainly on Detective Cole’s story before it veers toward the sorority side.

Even when the film finds itself on campus, it lacks any form of cohesion or logic. Heck, Row barely attempts a story, as it mainly consists of a semi-random collection of shots vaguely connected by a theme.

Plenty of perplexing narrative choices abound. For instance, when the serial killer plot needs to accelerate, we find ourselves with a long sequence in which Riley dances at a party.

Yes, this segment shows how Riley gets intoxicated, a factor in the next scene. However, the section in question could’ve been much shorter, and the follow-up goes nowhere as well.

Not that anything else manages positive momentum, as Row flits from one general story point to another without much reason or clarity. Burdened by incoherent editing, scenes pop up out of nowhere and then end abruptly, all among a mix of cheap music video-style party shots.

Music seems loud, abrasive and grating, and the actors lack much skill. With the exception of Mia Frampton – hilarious in a small Bridesmaids role - we get a collection of stiff, wooden performances across the board, and camerawork delivers jerky, poorly framed shots.

With all those young actresses, we find some pretty nice eye candy, though unlike its 80s brethren, it studiously – and obnoxiously – avoids nudity. The attractive women don’t vaguely compensate for the amateurish, incoherent end result, as Row delivers a thoroughly awful stab at the genre.

Footnote: a tag scene appears after the end credits. It hints at a sequel. God help us.

The Row appears in an aspect ratio of approximately 1.85:1 on this Blu-ray Disc. The movie came with a decent but unexceptional image.

For the most part, sharpness seemed good. The image could be a little soft at times, usually due to the combination of digital video cameras and darkness. Those were the elements that could seem a bit tentative.

Overall clarity remained fairly positive, though, and the image lacked problems like jaggies, shimmering and haloes. No print flaws marred the presentation.

Like virtually all modern horror flicks, Row went with a stylized palette. We got a lot of teal most of the time, so don’t expect anything dynamic. These tones suited the movie.

Blacks were reasonably dark and dense, and shadows were acceptable, though low-light shots could be somewhat murky. This wasn’t a great image, but it was acceptable.

As for the DTS-HD MA 5.1 audio, it offered a fairly typical horror movie soundscape. This meant a lot of creepy atmosphere and occasional “jolt moments”.

Along with good stereo music, the soundfield was able to open things up in a satisfying manner that embellished the story. This meant the mix didn’t dazzle, but it worked fine.

Audio quality was always good. Music appeared full and rich, while effects demonstrated nice clarity and accuracy.

Speech was natural and distinctive throughout the film. Again, this wasn’t a heavily active track, but it made sense for the story.

A few extras appear, and we launch with an audio commentary from director Matty Beckerman. He offers a running, screen-specific take on story/characters, cast and performances, sets and locations, music, stunts and related topics.

Expect a wholly mediocre chat here. Beckerman gives us just enough info to ensure the track doesn’t become a waste of space, but he also fails to provide any real insight. Though not an awful commentary, this one isn’t particularly good either.

Making The Row goes for six minutes, nine seconds and features notes from Beckerman, director of photography Jamie Barber, and actors Mia Frampton, Shea Buckner, Randy Couture, Natali Yura, Dylan Sprayberry, Colin Egglesfield, Tyler Olson, Lala Kent, and Lexi Atkins.

“Making” discusses story and characters, cast and performances, photography, and Beckerman’s impact on the shoot. Don’t expect much substance from this short puff piece.

The disc opens with ads for Spinning Man, Bent, Future World, The Crucifixion and The Show. We also get the trailer for The Row.

Even by the low standards of the genre, The Row brings us a terrible horror flick. Stupid, incompetent and incoherent, the movie does virtually nothing right. The Blu-ray comes with fairly good picture and audio as well as mediocre supplements. Even horror diehards should avoid this awful excuse for a movie.