In the annals of ridiculous movie titles, Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre probably isn’t the silliest, but it’s gotta be up there. Set in Arkansas, explosions caused as part of a fracking expedition come with an unexpected result. These blasts open a hole all the way through the earth’s crust and reach an unknown subterranean sea.

When this happens, enormous prehistoric sharks zip their way to the planet’s surface and seek food. The most convenient snacks? The sexy bad girls who inhabit the local women’s prison. We follow the ladies’ attempts to survive and avoid these super-predators.

Going into a cheap direct-to-video flick like Massacre, I don’t expect something on a par with Jaws. Heck, I don’t even anticipate anything as good as Jaws 2 or Deep Blue Sea. As long as an effort like this gives us some campy fun, that’s good enough for me.

Alas, no amusement or entertainment materializes in this dreadful film. How could a movie called Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre be so damned dull? Any flick that prominently features a) killer fish and b) hot babes in tight clothes should have to be entertaining. Unfortunately, the truth falls elsewhere, as this stinker never remotely manages to intrigue.

That’s really its greatest crime. I won’t bother to criticize all the piece’s shortcomings as a movie, as it has many, many cinematic flaws. We find poor acting, leaden dialogue, cheap effects, choppy editing and sloppy camerawork - basically every problem you can imagine manifests itself here. There’s barely a competent moment on display.

But that’d be okay if the stupid film was fun. At least something like Jaws: The Revenge entertains us as a howler. Massacre can’t even give us that.

The movie takes so ridiculously long to get to the mayhem that we simply don’t care when it arrives. A few shark-attacks pop up in the earlier segments, but these lack excitement, partly because the budget doesn’t allow for on-screen mayhem. We tend to see the poorly rendered aftermath of the violence and not much else, a factor that robs the film of much potential drama.

For reasons unknown, the plot indulges in the pointless escapades of local cops, and those moments offer no moments of interest. These scenes feel like they’re from a different movie and they seem to exist to pad the skimpy running time.

Honestly, I doubt anyone involved with this dud bothered to expend much brain matter on anything other than the wacky title. Massacre commits the worst sin I can conjure for a B-movie like this: it’s boring. I can’t find any redeeming qualities in this snoozefest.

Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre appears in an aspect ratio of approximately 1.78:1 on this Blu-ray Disc. An inexpensive effort, the movie looked good but not great.

Overall definition seemed positive, though exceptions occurred. Occasional shots came across as a bit on the soft and tentative side. Still, most of the movie seemed fairly concise. I saw no jaggies or moiré effects, and edge haloes remained absent. Print flaws also failed to appear.

Colors tended toward a brown/amber feel. The hues could be a little on the heavy side and lacked much vivacity, but they were usually acceptable. Blacks seemed fairly dark, and low-light shots offered reasonable clarity. Nothing here excelled, but the visuals seemed adequate.

I felt the same about the inconsistent DTS-HD MA 5.1 soundtrack of Massacre. While the mix offered a fairly active affair, it didn’t offer the best-integrated track I’ve heard.

This meant that material cropped up from all around the room on a frequent basis but the audio lacked consistent specificity. Stereo spread was lackluster, and effects didn’t demonstrate great localization. Some parts fared pretty well, but the movie’s low budget roots betrayed it via this spotty soundscape.

Audio quality was fine. Music sounded fairly peppy and full, while effects showed nice clarity and range. Speech appeared natural and distinctive. This became an erratic but acceptable soundtrack.

Among the set’s extras, we get an audio commentary from director Jim Wynorski and actors Cindy Lucas and Amy Holt. All three sit together for a running, screen-specific look at cast and performances, locations and shooting conditions, and related topics.

At one point, Wynorski notes that he and the ladies aren’t providing a very informative commentary – and he’s right. We don’t learn a ton of specifics about the film’s creation from this track.

Even so, the participants create a frothy energy that allows the chat to entertain. They also give us some anecdotes about the challenges of super-low-budget filmmaking that add some useful material. Don’t expect a lot of value from the track, but it turns into a decent listen.

In addition to the film’s trailer, we find a photo gallery. This running reel goes for three minutes, 58 seconds and offers 51 images. These include a few production sketches but mostly show publicity shots from the set. It’s a mediocre compilation.

No one anticipates greatness from a campy cheesefest like Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre, but this tedious dud can’t even live up to my modest expectations. The film fails to deliver any fun or thrills at all. The Blu-ray brings us decent picture and audio as well as a moderately interesting commentary. Maybe someone will find some entertainment value from Massacre, but I can’t.