I'd like to share a little story with you. At the risk of escalated expectations, I believe it clearly to be the Greatest Story Ever Told.

My friend Kevin's father Onions (his real name is "John" but we refer to him as "Onions" for obscure reasons that will remain that way) actually originated this tale. One day during dinner, Onions informed the gathered flock that while in times past he did not enjoy the flavor of the condiment called "mustard," in the present day he most clearly does delight in a little savory sauciness.

Onions said, and I quote, "I didn't used to like mustard, but now I do."

It still brings a little tear to my eye.

Anyway, I mention this epic simply to introduce the notion that tastes and feelings tend to change over time. We all know this, so why must I belabor the obvious and waste time? Because I love what we affectionately refer to as The Mustard Story and because I couldn't think of any better way to introduce my review of Time Bandits.

11-year-old Kevin (Craig Warnock) loves to learn about history, an affection that eludes his dull, materialistic parents (David Daker and Sheila Fearn). Kevin's life takes a major turn when suddenly a band of mysterious figures materializes in his bedroom.

Led by Randall (David Rappaport), this crew used to work for the Supreme Being (Ralph Richardson). It turns out that the universe comes with holes in the space-time continuum, and they plan to hop from era to era to rob the wealthy and become filthy rich.

Kevin goes along with this scheme. Along the way, the would-be robbers attempt to avoid the pursuit of the Supreme Being and also evade the Evil Genius (David Warner), as he pursues the map as well.

When I saw Time Bandits theatrically in the fall of 1981, I really liked it, and I continued to enjoy Bandits on video after that. However, it never became one of my all-time favorites, so I went long stretches during which I didn’t watch the movie.

When given a modern reappraisal, I decided that it offers a fun and fairly entertaining but rather spotty film. Certainly it possesses a clever and wide-open plot, as it tells the tale of a group of would-be thieves who use doorways into different time zones to plunder the riches of the past.

Actually, that brief synopsis tells you both less and more of the situation. "More" in that it states that Time Bandits actually has a plot.

It doesn't, really. The time-travelling setup exists mainly as an excuse to get our principals to interact wackily with famous denizens of other lands and eras.

Sure, Kevin, Randall and company attempt to stay ahead of the Supreme Being and the Evil Genius. Still, this feels less like a coherent story and more like a collection of scenes.

As I mentioned earlier, clearly this premise offers a wealth of opportunities, both comic and adventure. Early in the film, humor strongly dominates as our group robs Napoleon (Ian Holm) and then encounters Robin Hood (John Cleese).

Admittedly, the structure of the film to this point resembles glorified sketches, not surprising considering the Monty Python pedigree behind it. Also not surprisingly, this portion of the film - up through the first 45 minutes or so – consistently entertains and delights. The section in Sherwood Forest provides probably the movie’s strongest sequence.

But then Kevin gets separated from his mates when he chooses the wrong time gate and he ends up in ancient Greece. Happy coincidence for Kevin, since we already know that he digs Agamemnon (Sean Connery). <:> Guess onto whom Kevin literally falls when he arrives? We then get a somewhat extended segment where Kevin enters into that society and becomes adopted by Agamemnon.

This is where the movie starts to falter, as this segment seems to serve little purpose in the film. Ultimately, the bandits find Kevin and take him with them, against his strong wishes to the contrary.

Now removed from his dream existence, Kevin clearly resents and dislikes his old comrades, but that factor plays virtually no role in the plot. Kevin sulks for a scene and then the action resumes as if nothing ever happened.

So what was the point of the whole Agamemnon thing, other than to give the movie an excuse to feature Connery? I have not a clue.

Virtually nothing interesting happens during this segment. Actually, I feel astonished to see how short this part of the film is.

I always thought it went on forever, and it certainly seems that way when I watch Time Bandits. In actuality, however, it only occupies 13 minutes of screen time.

13 minutes!? Seems like a lot more than that.

Once that dullness ends, the film becomes more entertaining, but by then, it's lost lots of momentum and the remaining material isn't quite strong enough to buoy it back to its previous levels. Time Bandits lurches toward the inevitable confrontations at its climax, and it offers some nice bits of humor along the way, but the whole enterprise seems a little tedious and worn out by the time the film finally does end.

Oh well, at least the first 45 minutes entertain well enough to largely make up for the rest. There's some terrific material and wonderful performances in there.

Holm and Cleese do some hilarious bits, and the film portrays a fantastically skewed view of history. I won't even bother to relate some of the comic gags - they won't translate at all to the printed page - but suffice it to say that there's some great work going on during the early parts of Time Bandits.

The main redeeming aspects of the later parts of the film come from actors as well. We see David Warner's hammily sadistic portrayal of the Evil Genius throughout the movie, but he gets most of his work toward the end.

Ralph Richardson offers a wonderfully crusty portrayal of The Supreme Being as well. Too bad there isn't more of interest happening around them.

As the primary cast, the leading actors provide fine performances. David Rappaport's great as "leader" Randall, and be sure to note Kenny "R2-D2" Baker as Fidgit.

As young Kevin, Craig Warnock's perfectly fine if somewhat lifeless. He neither hurts nor really helps the film, which is actually pretty good for a child actor, as many of them actively harm the flicks in which they appear.

Interestingly, Sean Connery's performance probably represents the low point of the film, though I don't blame him. His entire segment is a drag and he's given such weak material with which to work that I doubt there was much he could do.

I can’t say that Time Bandits lives up to my childhood memories of it, and the movie certainly seems rather erratic. However, it includes a lot of great material. Despite the slow points and the bad scenes, enough of the film works well that I think it’s good overall.

Time Bandits appears in an aspect ratio of approximately 1.85:1 on this Blu-ray Disc. While it came with some strong points, too many problems accompanied the presentation as well.

The main concern related to source flaws, as the movie suffered from a rather dirty print. Throughout the flick, I noticed quite a few examples of specks, blotches, nicks, tears, vertical lines and scratches. Some scenes got off without many distractions, while others could be pretty messy. Though the movie wasn’t terribly filthy, it was certainly less clean than I expected.

For the most part, sharpness looked fine, though not great. Most of the film demonstrated fairly positive delineation, though fine detail was unexceptional. Some of that stemmed from the edge haloes the cropped up through the movie; those could make it a little softer than I’d like. No issues with jagged edges or moiré effects occurred, though I did think the flick could seem a bit blocky at times.

Colors tended to work well. Skin tones occasionally appeared a smidgen ruddy, but the hues were usually full and rich. Blacks appeared deep and dense, and low-light shots created images with nice clarity. In truth, the source defects became the biggest problem here; they were prominent enough to downgrade the image to a “C”.

Expect additional concerns from the somewhat mushy DTS-HD MA 5.1 soundtrack. The soundscape tended to be ill-defined. At times, it sounded like mono source material repurposed for multichannel. That wasn’t the case, but the results came across that way. The good stereo imaging of earlier mixes showed muddy delineation here, and dialogue also didn’t seem well-centered; the lines tended to bleed to the sides much of the time.

Effects occasionally boasted accurate localization, but they also could appear to come from some sonic neverland that didn’t line up terribly well with the onscreen action. The surrounds had a lot to do – probably too much, given the sound design of the original movie. The back speakers added hazy delineation to the track and could be something of a distraction; the information they offered didn’t blend especially well, so the surrounds became a too active partner.

Audio quality was generally good but could be erratic. Speech demonstrated some edginess, but most dialogue was reasonably distinct, and the voice of the Supreme Being demonstrated decent bass response. Music was lackluster and failed to display much life, though that side of things varied. Some parts of the score offered good vivacity, while others tended to be flat.

Effects also seemed up and down. At times, they seemed thin and a bit harsh, and louder elements like explosions featured some distortion. Still, dynamics appeared decent most of the time, and some of the problems stemmed from the age of the material. This wasn’t an awful mix, but I didn’t care for it; like the picture, it earned a disappointing “C-“.

How did the picture and audio compare to those of the 2004 SE DVD? On both accounts, I preferred the DVD. Its audio didn’t blow away the Blu-ray’s, but the earlier disc’s 5.1 mix was clearer and better delineated.

Though the Blu-ray offered a bit more visual detail, it wasn’t tremendously crisper than the DVD. The latter didn’t suffer from the surfeit of print flaws seen on the Blu-ray, which was the major difference – and the main reason the DVD remains superior. I don’t know where Anchor Bay got this awful print from, but if they were too cheap to strike a new transfer, they would’ve been better off just recycling the one generated for the 2004 DVD; it couldn’t look worse than this image.

While the earlier DVD set included a few good extras, the Blu-ray skimps. In addition to the film’s trailer, we get an Interview with Terry Gilliam. During this 18-minute, 12-second piece, the director discusses the origins and development of the film, script/story topics, cast and performances, visual effects, influences, and some general thoughts about the flick and his career. Gilliam is always an interesting interview subject, so he offers a mix of nice notes here. The clip’s too short to be terribly substantial – a full-length commentary would be preferred – but Gilliam makes the most of his time on screen.

In the end, although I clearly find fault with the film, I enjoy Time Bandits enough that the movie comes recommended. It sags at around the mid-point, but it still packs enough lively and amusing material to merit a look. The Blu-ray presents problematic picture and audio and only one decent supplement. I enjoy the film, but this Blu-ray is a weak release. Fans should stick with the 2004 DVD and not bother with this shoddy package.

To rate this film visit the Criterion Collection review of TIME BANDITS