Reviewed by Colin Jacobson (January 27, 2010)
Back in early 2009, I reviewed a movie called Bikini Royale. I did this for two reasons: 1) not a whole lot of terrific DVDs hit in January, so I had nothing better to do, and 2) I thought it might provide some good nudity.
Royale succeeded on both accounts. It gave the site new content in a slow month, and it delivered lots and lots of skin. More than I expected, actually; while I anticipated the usual T&A, Royale was more explicit than I thought it’d be. The film never became “X”-rated, but it was surprisingly graphic – in a good way.
Given my enjoyment of that film, I definitely wanted to pursue 2009’s Bikini Royale 2: The Right to Bare All. (The title’s a bit goofy because Royale was already kind of a sequel to 2007’s The Girl from BIKINI.) Like its immediate predecessor, Royale 2 follows Tanya X (Beverly Lynne), an agent with the Bureau of International Knowledge and Nonstandard Investigations (BIKINI). She’s assigned to infiltrate Madame Zola’s, a high-priced brothel. Madame Zola (Brandin Rackley) has been ferrying nefarious agents through her establishment, and BIKINI has lost touch with Jill X (Jayden Cole), an operative working on the case. Tanya’s boss sends her to finish the investigation and rescue Jill.
Take that plot synopsis and throw it out the window, as it couldn’t possibly be more irrelevant. While the first Royale wasn’t exactly rich in story/character material. Compared to its sequel, however, the prior flick was Citizen Friggin’ Kane. As I mentioned in my review, it took its direct inspiration from the 2006 version of Casino Royale. Bikini Royale didn’t make much sense, but I thought it had a more involving story than anything we find here.
Or maybe I just remembered Casino Royale and fleshed out the plot holes in my head – who knows? All I do know is that Royale 2 possesses 1) a story that makes absolutely zero sense, and b) barely bothers to try to tell that story. Of its 81 minutes, I can’t imagine that more than 15 percent of the flick devotes itself to narrative. The rest offers sex in various forms.
Whether or not that’s a bad thing depends on the viewer’s perspective. Obviously no one pursues “late night” fare such as this solely for dramatic reasons. People watch films like this for skin and sex, both of which Royale 2 ladles on in copious amounts. As was the case with its predecessor, this one includes tons of sex, all of which appears to be simulated. Royale 2 wants that Cinemax audience, so you’ll find nothing hardcore here. And I like that. I’ve never cared for graphic sex scenes; I prefer the moderate intensity of the footage here.
It works best in small doses, though, as the utter absence of good story material can make Royale 2 rather tedious. After a while, the sex scenes start to feel like more of the same old same old. It probably doesn’t help that we don’t get much to differentiate three of the four featured females. The movie prefers blondes; only Cole gives us a different look.
Cole is definitely the highlight of the film. She’s absolutely stunning, and I wish we saw more of her. Lynne, Rackley and Ashley West are very attractive as well – I love the fact that Royale 2 avoids the fake boob plastic look prominent in porn – but Cole becomes the standout of the bunch. It’s too bad she doesn’t appear beyond one scene.
Since so many of the actresses look a lot alike and most of the sex scenes lack variety, the flick really can get tedious. That’s why I’m more disappointed in the lack of fun found in the story. Again, I realize that it’s somewhat pointless to criticize a soft-core porn movie for poor narrative/acting, but better execution in those areas would make the sex sequences more effective.
Instead, Royale 2 essentially turns into little more than a long reel of unconnected sex scenes. These do tend to be effective, and I certainly can’t complain about the quality of those sequences. I just wish the filmmakers put a little more effort into the rest of the flick. Royale 2 provides some good erotic material but doesn’t do anything more than that.